Divorce

No, not mine. My Charming and Patient Husband continues to sweep me off my feet. What I want to ask is for prayers for people who are going through divorce.


I know that divorce is a lamentable and destructive thing. I know that it hurts families and that many people view it far too lightly; but I don't want to talk about that right now. I want to discuss what people going through it experience.

Regardless of fault or blame, divorce is an extremely painful experience. Debilitating, even. It shakes the core of one's faith, hurts the soul like a bruise that won't heal, and rattles even the very self image. Anyone who is going through this trial, regardless of the reasons, needs prayer.

Divorce also frequently tempts the person -- even the person of strong convictions -- to do things he or she normally would not do. The combination of ache, loneliness, and sudden self doubt leaves a hole, one that many people try to fill with activity, pain relief, and new love. The unhealed soul is not ready for new love, and it can be far too easy to substitute physical intimacy for spiritual intimacy. Especially when feeling completely undesirable. Six months of raw pain and irresponsible behavior can lead to lifetime repercussions.

I know a couple who are going through a divorce. I won't go into details; those belong to the people involved. But I will say that they are both good people. And I know that they are about to be shocked by reactions they never could have anticipated. Please pray for them.

I am sure you know someone going through a divorce, too. Who doesn't, anymore? Pray for them, too. They need a special protection right now.

Thought for the Day

Today, say a prayer for someone who already has strong faith. You never know what struggles they may not be telling.

Book Meme

Joel tagged whoever, so I took it.

What are you reading right now?
Don't Know Much about History, Schindler's List, The Well-Trained Mind. Just finished Madeleine Takes Command today.

Do you have any idea what you’ll read when you’re done with that?
My Charming and Patient Husband would like me to read Peter Beagle's A Fine and Private Place.

What magazines do you have in your bathroom right now?
Definitely Sunset, and maybe American Baby and Reader's Digest.

What’s the worst thing you were ever forced to read?
Does Moby Dick count, if I merely fooled my teacher into thinking I read it? Heinlein's Job was pretty abysmal, though I wasn't actually forced. And any required book written by the instructor has, throughout my education, been guaranteed to stink like a skunk with brie breath.

What’s the one book you always recommend to just about everyone?
Mere Christianity, by C. S. Lewis, hands down.

Admit it, the librarians at your library know you on a first name basis, don’t they?
Not quite yet, but mostly because I've discovered online ordering.

Is there a book you absolutely love, but for some reason, people never think it sounds interesting, or maybe they read it and don’t like it at all?
The Anne of Green Gables series. Those who love 'em really love 'em; but everyone else kind of blinks like "ok, it's not a bad book, but what's all the excitement about?"

Do you read books while you eat? Occasionally; but at dinner I hope we're having a family meal, and at lunch I kind of prefer a half hour sitcom.
While you bathe? on the rare occasions when I get a chance to take a bath, yes.
While you watch movies or TV? nah
While you listen to music? It depends on the type of music. Some music is foreground, some is background. Really, the question should be whether I listen to music while I read.
While you’re on the computer? If I'm doing research or something. I've been known to look things up in the Catechism or the Code of Canon Law while interacting online.
While you’re having sex? Ew.
While you’re driving? No.

When you were little, did other children tease you about your reading habits?
Yeah. Those same reading habits won me a few fights against bullies, too, though. I don't care if you're a boy and she's a girl; if she has a 20 lb book bag, your chances of winning are significantly reduced.

What’s the last thing you stayed up half the night reading because it was so good you couldn’t put it down?
The Story of the Trapp Family Singers.

I'm not going to tag anyone either. If you take it up on your own, let me know inthe comments.

Humility

Next time you feel like losing hope because you are not in control, consider this:
For some two thousand years, the Lord and Creator of the Universe has, daily, put Himself in the hands of human beings. Some of them receive Him unworthily; some even do worse, desecrating Him and committing other deplorable sacrileges. Yet day after day, century after century, He willingly places Himself in human hands, under the control of sinful people.

If He, who is perfect, can do this for love of us, we who are not can endure whatever His most perfect Love allows into our lives.

Let Us Pray

I've always been a strong proponent of prayer, and recently I realized that maybe I should put that quality in myself to good use and make a profit from it. Specifically, I was thinking maybe I could write prayer intentions for Oregon Catholic Press. So here, I offer a practice set of intentions, as an "audition" of sorts. Maybe if they see it, and see how well I can fit in with their prayer style, they may hire me to be a part of their holy team.

For justice for the poor and that the rich may meet a just end, we pray to the Lord.

That all people of good will may become more politically involved and support the political perspective of OCP, we pray to the Lord.

That we may be delivered from bad priests and oppressive male hierarchy, we pray to the Lord.

For an increase in the size and shape of government, that we may attain the perfect utopian global society, we pray to the Lord.

That Christians may continue to make constant distinctions between the rich [spitting optional] and the poor, in order to make the poor feel unwelcome, so that we may then invite them to gather in our superior midst, we pray to the Lord.

That all government officials may come to realize that the only licit test of morality is in the complete acceptance and respect of all ways of life, we pray to the Lord.

That all people who disagree with the only licit test of morality realize that they are not due acceptance and respect, and that they come to see the error of their ways, we pray to the Lord.

For the protection of the ozone layer and the success of Albert Gore's writing career, we pray to the Lord.

That the Holy Spirit guide all people to a full acceptance of the OCP creed, we pray to the Lord.

For these and all of the politically appropriate intentions we hold in our hearts, we pray to the Lord.


What do you think? Do I get the job?

RIP

Caller ID Made Fun

I think maybe next time I get a call from my mortgage company, instead of answering with "hello" I may answer with "this call may be recorded or monitored for quality assurance."

Life's Tough, and Then You Die

Remember the phrase so popular in the 80's? (Cleaned up a little, but still recognizable.) I liked it so much I translated it into French in high school. Around the same time, I used to wear a button that said "There is no gravity. The earth sucks."

And just what is wrong with life being tough? Rather than being a cynical statement of hopelessness, maybe the Gen-X motto ought to stand up as a beacon of hope. Life is tough; and not because God isn't watching. Rather, He allows us our challenges so that when we meet Him we have an offering for Him. Lord, you deemed me worthy to try. You chose me for this challenge, and I accepted it. Thank you, Lord.

Not so easy to say that now, when we are suffering and carrying the weight of our crosses. We are tired, and wish for nothing more than a Simon to come and help us carry them. Maybe to take them up for us for a while, even. But that help doesn't always come just because we want it; God saves it for when we need it.

No matter how much we wish now things were easier (and I'm not saying we have to stop praying for relief!) there will come a time when we account to Jesus for the life we led here. And at that time, we really will bask in the praise of our Lord who gave us a challenge because He knew and trusted that we could meet it.

Who knows why He chose our particular challenges for us? Maybe it was because He could rejoice that we kept our faith through it. Maybe it was because He wanted us to see His glory through the answers He sends (like the Israelites saw His glory after the Pharaoh made them suffer). Maybe it is to make us grow, or maybe it is because He has better plans for us that we do not know of yet. We cannot know; that's what faith is about. If we always knew His plan, it wouldn't take much faith to follow Him.

Jesus never told us to stop praying for our daily bread. But He never told us to tell God exactly how to provide it, either.

Lord, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief.

Catholic Carnival

I didn't make it into the Catholic Carnival this week, but it's a good one; this week it's hosted at Just Another Day of Catholic Pondering, with a back-to-school theme. Take a look!

You know you're a big family if...

You know you're a big family when...

...people count the number of your children out loud when you're in public
...people ask, "Are they all yours?"
...you start counting your children when you're out in public
...you have at least three bunk beds set up in your home
...almost everyone you know has less children than you do
...people say, "Wow! How do you manage?"
...people ask you, out of the blue, if you are Mormon or Catholic.
...you buy your pots and pans in the restaurant supply store
...supposed "family size" food portions seem awfully small
...you complain, "Doesn't anyone make large dining tables anymore?"
...you outgrow your mini-van
...you've heard "Don't you know what causes that?" more times than you'd care to remember
...you've forgotten what it's like to be alone anywhere else but in the bathroom
...your children never run out of playmates among their siblings
...everything you buy is in bulk
...people ask, "Don't you get overwhelmed?"
...you and your husband can no longer hold each child's hand while crossing the street
...it takes a wonderfully long time to hug and kiss everybody
...one of your children looks wistfully at the newborn and asks you, "Can't you have another baby really soon? I hardly get to hold this one because everybody else is taking turns."
...you realize that few houses are designed with your family in mind
...people ask you if you've ever accidentally left any of your children behind
...life around your family never seems boring or dull
...your tent is the largest one in any campground
...you feel sorry for people with only two children
...you sometimes wonder what on earth mothers with only two children do with all their spare time
...whenever you set your dining table, it looks like it used to look when you were expecting lots of company
...you read a cookbook and joke, "They call these meals? Sounds like a little snack to me."
...your gratitude at the abundance of God's blessing moves you to tears unexpectedly
...you start thinking of yourself as "rich in children"
...you secretly think that life in your family might possibly be a much more joyous adventure than life in smaller families
...you are vastly amused at much modern parenting advice, realizing that it is unnecessary, impossible, impractical, or simply silly to try to apply it in a large family setting
...it seems as if you pack more stuff going on a short trip than some people pack when moving their entire household
...you and your husband laugh, "And to think that when we got married, we wanted only four children!"
...your husband sighs happily, "I've finally got my dream car"--and it's a used 15- passenger van.

I don't know where this list originated, but I cannot tell you how true it rings.

Dear Old Golden Rule Days

Well, that time is upon us again, mid-August: back to school sales, curriculum planning, trying to get kids back into the habit of sleeping at night and waking up during the day. And with it comes my latest Short Stack recommendation: The Well-Trained Mind, by Jessie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer.

I started reading it at the beginning of the summer, and I'm still not finished; not because it isn't holding me, but because there is so much in it to absorb, it must be taken in doses. Even just 2/3 finished, though, I cannot praise it highly enough. This book about classical homeschooling and afterschooling is a surprise and a help.

It is a surprise, because it shook to my foundations my concept of what classical education is. When I'd seen classical education recommended in articles, book catalogs, and email groups, it always sounded like a bunch of people had gotten together and decided not to teach anything except ancient Rome. Maybe some ancient Greece. So they would buy a fully packaged curriculum that taught ancient civilizations for twelve years in a row, and think that because they were homeschooling, their children were getting superior and individualized educations.

Where The Well-Trained Mind is concerned, I could not have been more wrong. Finally, someone has explained the point of classical education, and not just the first year's content. Classical education, explains this mother and daughter writing team, teaches children within a method that takes into account their developmental levels. In addition, it covers history and literature more or less together, and systematically, chronologically. The good classical education should do an entire survey of history three times, in three cycles, and ancient civilization is only the first of four stages in each cycle. And it is not limited to Rome and Greece, but also covers other ancient civilizations: China, India, South America, Persia, and so on.

Those who think classical education means teaching nothing but classics just aren't understanding the point. They are missing all the wonderful educational theory and thorough historical perspective. Perhaps they, like I had, got the idea that they could understand what the theory meant without doing any real study on the subject.

If you homeschool, and especially if you long to offer a better curriculum than a pre-packaged box of workbooks can provide, you might want to read this book. Start by glancing at the sections that pertain to your children's ages, and at the sections that cover the subjects that attract you. Then turn back and read from the beginning. Even if you don't have grammar-stage children, you will find the explanations and ideas about the learning stages invaluable.

If you afterschool, or are interested in learning more about it, you can still get a lot out of this book, enough to turn an adequate school-only education into a superb habit of lifelong learning.

A "Massive" List of Pet Peeves

1. People who style their hair during Mass.
2. Bathing suit tops as clothing.
3. Beer slogans on shirts.
4. Smacking gum. (Oh, don't get me started. No, pushing the gum to the side of your mouth to receive Holy Communion does not suffice. Ever heard of the Communion fast?)
5. Lectors in sweat pants.
6. 7 year olds who play handheld video games during the homily.
8. Gossipping in the Communion line.
9. People who won't scoot toward the middle to let others fit into the pew.
10. Myself, when I let what's going on in the pews around me seem more important to me than what's going on at the Altar.

And the results are in...

Spoiler alert.

It's a boy!

The results are mostly good. The typical markers of Down Syndrome are absent, and all of the organs and limbs look good. He's a very active tyke already, with a taste for the thumb. It also turns out that the blood screening did not turn up factors that increase our risk; rather, the opposite. Apparently the normal risk for my age is 1:70, and the adjusted rate taking into account both age and the hormone screening brings the risk level to 1:81. I do wish they would give more explanation over the phone than just "the triple screen came out positive for Down Syndrome, but don't worry, there are a lot of false positives."

One unexpected but fairly small worry did come up in the sonogram. The normal umbilical cord is supposed to have one vein and two arteries, and this one has one vein and one artery. One artery is usually enough to handle the blood flow, but it is sometimes associated with kidney problems, heart problems, or slow growth. They'll be keeping an eye on this, meaning more closely monitoring the pregnancy. It can, in rare instances, be a marker for Down Syndrome, but not a strong one. Most of the other sometimes-associated problems would have been visible in the sonogram, and were not.

Now you know more than you ever wanted to about my pregnancy. Either you're a sucker for baby stories, or you're a friend or family member that I should be in better contact with. Either way, thank you for your prayers and interest.

Doctors and Lab Tests and Sonograms, Oh My!

Well, last week was stressful, and this week promises to be at least as much so. I took the triple screen last week, which I do know has a possibility of false positives. It came out showing higher than usual odds of my baby having Down Syndrome, so tomorrow I'm scheduled for a level II sonogram an hour and a half away. (Our medical facilities here in town are pretty limited. Everything out of the ordinary is out of town.)

I've never been worried about Down Syndrome before, even though my last two pregnancies were also past age 35. I declined the triple screen for them; but this time, I've had this nagging worry that I should at least be prepared for the possibility. It seems like everywhere I go online, I am seeing people discuss Down Syndrome, how they found out, and how they wouldn't trade their child for anything. I appreciate that sentiment, and if I have a child with Down Syndrome, I think I will feel the same way. But for now, not knowing, I am really hoping and praying that this child does not have any problems.

Partly, I'm selfish. We have two children over 18, one of them moved out. We've been married 4 1/2 years and have not been able to have a honeymoon, or even a weekend alone, since we married, because we are constantly surrounded by our blessings. I'll be the first to say every child is a blessing, but it would be nice to be able to spend time with my charming and patient husband sometimes, too, without it being interrupted by bickering, diapers, and "can I haves."

And let's face it: I'm 40 years old, arthritic, overweight, tired, and depressed. I love being a mother, but I would dearly love someday to retire from being a mommy. I want to be grandma; I want to turn bedrooms into offices and libraries, and to send children home for dinner. I want to have a guest bedroom that it's a treat for a child to sleep in. In other words, I dream of the day I can move on to the next stage of parenting: grandparenting. I would love to take a honeymoon, and as it is we might be able to do that for our 25th anniversary.

The thought of having a child who will likely never move out daunts me and haunts me. It isn't that I don't love my children, you know. But I've spent the past three years in the same three rooms almost constantly, listening to electronic toy computers singing the alphabet, in-depth discussions about the merits of one handheld gaming system over another, and demands that I choose sides in arguments over whether a child did nine minutes in the kitchen or ten. Most of my adult conversations have been limited to a half hour, over coffee, before Joel leaves for work. Is it so selfish that I just want to think that one day -- some day -- I will be able to have adult conversations on a regular basis?

I find myself looking forward to tomorrow, for that reason. Three hours in the car with a grownup, and not a single child to interrupt. A chance to see the baby in greater detail, probably to find out if it's a boy or a girl, and ease my mind or learn to adjust. One way or the other, it's better to know than to worry.

And perhaps selfishly, I pray.