Email worries

Last night my son learned via email that his Papal account may have been breached, and that he would have to log in with some security information in order to reset it. Unfortunately, he could not remember having either a Paypal account or a Papal one, so was unable to rectify the problem. We're all a little worried that this might hurt his standing in the Church and affect his ability to stay active in the Lifeteen choir.

I think we need to examine the bigger concerns here, though. I am concerned to think that the Vatican may have become involved in a monetary operation akin to Paypal, and wondering how my son got an account without knowing. Is this something that was distributed secretly to all Catholics without their knowing, by a conspiratorial superpower? I do hope this isn't a Jesuit plot; I've heard about them.

There is also a global security issue here. If Papal accounts have been breached, this seems to be the final nail in the coffin of my confidence in an already declining world of safe monetary transactions. Just two days ago I was informed of the same security issue involving my account at Sumitomo Bank, and a week ago my account at Washington Mutual was threatened. Like my son, I do not even recall having accounts at these banks; perhaps this forgetfulness is a pernicious part of the conspiracy of world financiers. All I know for sure is that this makes me nervous about my pending transaction with the deposed Prince of Nigeria. He needs my bank account number, and soon. Now I don't even know which account number to give him!

The really frustrating thing is I alreadly have enough on my mind. Between trying to decide which 1.5% mortgage offer to accept and how to break it to the Catholic singles, Christian Singles, and LDS Singles that I'm married, I have enough to deal with.

But the news isn't all bad. I recently won a large award in a little known contest, and once my penny oil stocks start rising, I'll be raking in the dough.